‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

DEAR Jasminda,

I RECENTLY went to a fancy dress party as a tradie.

While I normally feel a bit reserved at parties, I was surprised at the number of people who initiated conversations with me.

This helped me relax, and I ended up enjoying myself, whereas normally I’d be looking for an early exit. What does this mean?

Anna L.

Dear Anna,

This is interesting on a couple of levels.

I could turn it into a punny joke around the tool that tradies hold up against every surface when they visit, straightening picture frames and swivelling the adjustable foot on the washing machine to stop that annoying spin wobble, and holding it vertically against your mother-in-law to make sure her legs are plumb after her knee replacement, but I won’t.

I mean it’s a genuinely interesting observation you’ve made.

I have some theories.

1. 1. You felt comfortable in a physical sense: I’ve spent a time looking at tradies (not in a pervy, don’t they make those King Gee Cotton Drill shorts shorter, hey, those Argyle Zip abrasion resistant scuff cap boots sure do accentuate calf muscles, ahem).
      I’m of the opinion that tradie gear is practical, roomy, and appropriate for a whole range of social situations.
      Compare tradie wear to normal party attire, particularly when you’re a woman. Females commonly have to hold parts in and lift parts up and teeter around on heels the size of a precision screwdriver.
      Our made-up faces involve more prep than an internal paint job, and don’t get me started on the hair and nails.
      It’s a wonder, by the time we arrive at a social event, that we have the energy to lift a champagne glass, let alone hold a conversation.
      And can you imagine, male readers, what it’s like to wear heels at an event with multiple surfaces?
      They get wedged in deck gaps, they act as golfing tees on grass, and the trip hazards on loop-pile carpet aren’t worth navigating.
      These are the concerns running through our minds while you chat about negative gearing.
      What we wouldn’t give for some comfort-technology soles, a shirt with handy pockets and elasticised waistband shorts to accommodate the cheese and biscuits. Anna, I can imagine you felt the most comfortable you’ve ever felt in a party situation.

1. Because you felt comfortable, you looked comfortable, and hence approachable: Because women at parties are going through mental flow charts based on their attire, their facial expressions can give the wrong impression.A woman pondering, for example, whether another champagne will result in her having to use the bathroom (potentially getting embroiled in new conversations, tripping over a Portuguese Water Dog, stepping gingerly across the aforementioned carpet, breaking a heel on the spiral staircase, then, finally, attempting to wrestle off her shapewear before she wets herself) will not look approachable.

   A tradie, though, who knows if he needs a leak he only has to saunter over to the nearest lemon tree, is going to say ‘hell, yes’ to that fifth beer, another five cracks at the cob loaf dip, and an in-depth conversation about flooding and drainage, because he’s relaxed.
   And the other guests will respond in turn, thinking, ‘That Jim guy is easy going. Great conversationalist. Always ready to pass a plate or lift an esky. Not so sure about his wife though. Seems uptight.’

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.